Vincent S. Pepe

9/19/09

Vin -

I read these quotes and poems about how other people feel. I don't know why I cannot put into words how I feel. 11 years ago tonight we had our first date. I can't believe that so much time has passed. You always remembered these important dates. It is so funny how you never forgot. Well I can promise that no matter where I go in life I will never forget you or us. I am forever bound to you with my heart and soul. I still can't wait to see you. I miss you so much. I love you - Now and Forever XXOO.

9/13/09

When I cry at night, the only thing I can think to myself is...how can I seem so---perfectly fine in the morning.  Why do I smile like nothing is wrong?  And how does not one single person notice that I'm not okay?

I don't know what I want in life.  I don't know what I want right now.  All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any more of me left. 

Teardrops slowly fall from my eyes as I look to the sky, and I question how come life keeps passing me right on by.  I just wonder why I can't escape, is this my fate?  To always be unhappy and how much longer must I wait...

9/5/09

Hi Vin -

Had that dreaded Labor Day party today. It just wasn't right without you. It makes me want to die to be without you and after all this time it is still no different. I did however see you... if it was really you. That beautiful butterfly that flew right into my lap almost touching me but not quite. I saw it twice that day, it came right to me both times which made me speachless. I reached out to touch it but I didn't want to ruin it. I am just going to stay believing it was you.

I miss you. I love you forever always..

XXOO

9/2/09

Today is a sad day, more so than most. Two years ago today we moved into this house. A house that I am about to loose, a house that is so lonely since you left it. Do you remember that move from hell? Me, Callie, and Sean Beta in the truck and you and moma in the Uhaul? What a joke that was. That should have been our clue to stay in Florida.

I wish we had more memories here in this house together. All I have is the 8 months we were here together. It is ironic that when you died I wanted no part of it and now I a holding on to it like it was you.

I moved your stereo out of the garage today and it killed me. I didn’t want to move anything you touched last. My heart was breaking when I tried to find the right buttons to push and tried to remember what you said about it.  I cried when I cleaned it, like I was wiping away your fingerprints and you. But somehow I know your gone and never coming back. Even when I saw the nicotine I didn’t want to do it. Just another part of you gone.

I’m sitting here on the bed with Moma. Sometimes I wonder what she is thinking. Does she think you just left her? Does she know what really happened to her daddy?  I do know that she misses you. She is not the same either.

I’m sitting here in the dark wondering why I don’t feel you, why I don’t ever see you.  What am I supposed to do without you? You were supposed to wait for me. We were supposed to do this together.  Why didn’t you wait? Why didn’t you take me with you? I have no place here. I have no heart left. You took it with you. What am I supposed to do here alone?

8/31/09

 I went to another concert today with someone from work. This is one you would have never gone to. Again, I felt so alone. Such the third wheel. I hate this feeling. I want you back it is killing me. I'm so mad at you for leaving me here.