Vincent S. Pepe

6/9/09

Wondering why I am feeling the way I do. I hate feeling so torn. Wanting things like a child that I shouldn't want or need. Please give me the answer on what I should pursue or not pursue. If not please let it go away. I can't stand it! I have that big interview tomorrow, I don't know if I can do it again. I don't know if I have that drive left in me to lead that way again. I wasted so much time on the last job that I missed the most important things with you. Now what is the point! Why do or why should I work so hard to get ahead? Why should I do that if your not here to share it with me. I have made so many mistakes and I don't think I can bear to do it again. God I miss you! My strength, my will, my life!

Goodnight my love.

XOXO

6/8/09

Received some really crapy news about the house. I did hear some promising news about a potential job that would keep me here in NC. You know I don't want that. Maybe this is your way of telling me what to do next. We shall see.

I love you.  Missing you today, tomorrow, and always.
XOXO

6/6/09

Wedding was beautiful. I was still so sad during the ceremony remembering our our wedding and feeling that you were not there with me. Another first I did not want to imagine but I knew would have to come. Couples dancing - me sitting alone, it just sucks. I miss you more than words can say.

Love me.

XOXO

6/5/09

Tomorrow will be a ruff day. I have to go to a wedding all by myself. I should have said I wouldn't come but I always feel bad saying no. I will be thinking of you the entire time. Another first I wish I didn't have to deal with.

I love you

XOXO

6/3/09

Vin -

I remember how you would do anything for me. How you loved me so much even when I didn't deserve it. No matter what a bitch I was to you I always loved you. Nothing else could ever change that. I thought we would have more time so I guess I took you for granted. I now appreciate all those little things you did for me. I would risk anything for you and I did then but if I would have done the one thing that was really important maybe you would still be here. To just hold your hand right now I would do anything. I know you always hated when I did that but I miss it. I miss hearing your voice, hearing you yell for me or at me, just the little things you do. Oh for one more chance to tell you how much you mean to me. If I could tell you now how you made me feel. I need you now! I have no one and it is so lonely without you. Please let me know or give me a sign that you have forgiven me.

I love you

XOXO