Vincent S. Pepe

5/4/09

Vin -

Someone told me that a year ago today you became an angel so forever this day will be known as your angel day. What does that mean? I'm not really too sure. I hope it means that you are happy, you are not in any pain, and that your are at peace.

Life has not been the same without you and has not really moved forward since you left. It actually seems to have gone backwards if that is even possible. I had a really silly dream about you last night but I was grateful to have had it, they are so far and few between.

Last year this day was the worst day of my life and forever it will be that way. I want yu to know that no matter where I go and what I do you are forever and always in my heart and on my mind.

Although you are no longer in my arms I am holding onto you now and forever and I haven't forgotten you.

I love you - and I am still so sorry.

Love always and forever

Stacey

XOXO

5/2/09

Hello Vin,

I just wanted to check in to see how you are doing. I'm still in the same place I was when you left.  Still waiting on my miracle. Still waiting for you to walk in the door. Still waiting to here you call my name. I am still supposed to be going to NY next week for Julia's confirmation. You would be so proud of what a great kid she still is. Not damaged by this world still sincere still happy.  I don't know if I am going to be able to go but I really want to come to the cemetary and visit. I know it sounds creepy but I never feel complete anywhere not even the cemetary but maybe I can give the other half a rest. I did decide to go get my MBA so you are going to have to kick me in the ass to keep me going .

Good night my love.

I miss you -

4/22/09

Hi Vin -

Just checking in to tell you were right about everything and everyone. There is still no one for me to count on anymore. Not even anyone there to lean on. How did you ever do it? In can't stand it. I hate being alone, I hate being angry all the time, but most of all I hate not feeling safe.

I miss you and need you more then you know.

I love you,

FF - XOXXO

4/20/09

Hi Vin,

Still no luck looking for a job. I am thinking about going back to school to get my MBA. What do you think? I know you wanted me to go - but now with all this other stuff going on what to do. You were the one who kept me in school when I did my BS so what am I going to do now? How am I going to do it alone? I miss yoy so much. It hurts so bad I can't stand it! I hate being alone without you. We want you back!

I miss you forever and always yours.

Stacey

XOXO

4/12/09

Happy Easter.

Today is the last holiday I will celebrate for the the first time without you. In just a few weeks it with be the anniversary of your death and the beginning of another chapter in mine, one which didn't have to be written.

I remember so clearly our drive to NY we left in the "SS" and arrived in NY to the hotel room# 216 (funny I still have the room key). You called Peg to find out about the time to come up the hospital and we both took showers and headed over to your parents house to see your mother.

After we got there we all spoke for a while and then with your voice cracking asked " Ma, is daddy dying?" She said " I think so." You said, "How long?" and she said a few weeks... The conversation went back and forth and we left for the hospital. I drove there and I remember getting off the exit and at the light there was bolt of lightining that came down  right in front of us and you screamed.

i don't want to go into detail about our visit to the hospital but we all know the outcome. Dad died later that night. He waited to see you and to say goodbye before he left. This moment was the beginning of what would become the worst month in all of our lives.

On this Easter I think of all of these things. I hope that you and dad are together and happy and that you are looking down on us from heaven.

I miss you with every breath that I take.

Sweet Dreams My Love.

XOXO