Vincent S. Pepe

I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Hi Hon.

I went to the movies today and saw a movie I know we would have gone to see together. Everything reminds me of you. The calls aren't as frequent and everyone has moved on with their own lives and mine is still at a stand still.  I miss you too much. There is so much more I want to say but I just can't seem to express them. I love you.. 

What am I doing? Where am I going? I didn't realize I am so dependent on you. I am messing up everything. I still can't figure out how to turn on the damn motorcycle. Since you are not here no one has detailed the SS so I took it to that place to have it done and they broke piece off the car and it looks like shit $135.00 later. No one in this redneck town can find me the parts to fix the window in the truck. It is just one thing after another.

I have always had this black cloud that followed me but I now realize it really didn't matter and it really didn't bother me because I had you to come home to. I miss you. Say something so I know your still there and maybe be I will stop being so selfish.

8/18/08

Hi Vin.  I hope you like it.  I know it is a little late. I take it everywhere with me just as I take you everywhere with me in my heart. I miss you. Love you.

Hi Hon.

I just wanted to let you know how much I miss you.  Today is week 16 without you and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Everyone keeps saying how good I am doing and how good I look but no one really knows how I feel.  All I feel like I am doing is just some kind of sick routine. I get up every morning with this unbearable emptiness then about an hour or 2 later when I can actually get motivated to leave the bed I take a shower, get dressed, and go to work. I come home, cry for 2 hours before turning off the light, then another night maybe 1 - 2 hours of sleep then the day starts again.  I really do put on a good show. It seems there is nothing out there for me, nothing to look forward to, nothing to wish for, except maybe an early death.

I have no one to talk to and I know that is selfish because you are not here. It’s been over a month now and I still can't even put away my clothes into the new bedroom furniture I bought.

I don't even know why I bought it. It seems that people deal with grief in their own way.. Drinking, pills, it seems that 2 of my deadly sins are eating and shopping. It really is unbelievable that you can spend thousands at a time on nothing and it still doesn't make you happy.

My guilt over your death consumes me and my memories always turn to the bad things. Arguments, fights, and of course my last memory of you... WHERE ARE ALL OF OUR GOOD MEMORIES?? Why does my heart and mind only remember the bad ones?  Will the day ever come when I think only of our Love?  I miss you. XOXO