Vincent S. Pepe

3/11/09

Hi Hon,

The last few days it as been beautiful out. I have been driving with the top down another bittersweet moment. I can't believe that it is getting closer to that 1 year mark. In just 11 days it would have been your 44th birthday. Another milestone of days I wish would never have to come.  It's like I am getting closer to being even further away from you. Right now I can sit here and think what WE were doing on this date last year. What happens after May 4th? It's like you have been erased from existance but not from my heart. I'd do anything to bring you back..  My love I still miss you .. I will always love you. XOXO

Hello my love,

I can't believe it has been so long.  I can't believe almost a year of my life has passed and you haven't been here. It feels like it is one long day that never ends. It feels like I am stuck somewhere, that I am stuck nowhere.

Your scent is leaving which is what I dreaded the most.  Even with how carefully I wanted to save it, it is fading. But my love for you does not. Everyday I stare at you picture, I am still waiting for you to call my name and just like everyother day... nothing happens.  I still wait for you to visit me in my dreams, and still nothing. I am waiting for our second chance. My second chance to be a better wife to you. A second chance to be a better friend, still nothing.

Is this how you felt? Is this how alone I made you feel? If it is I deserve this. If it is I am so sorry, hon. I can only feel your disappointment with me.

I have spent allthe money and I still don't know what to do with myself. Everyone has moved on, but I don't want to.

Life just isn't worth living without you. It seems like such a waste to repeat it day after day.  I love you.

Always Remember...

XOXO

2/14/09

Hi Vin -

I know you always hated Valentine's Day - but I now hate it too. This day is no different than another. Today did make me think of another thing we missed. The only time we ever slow danced was out our wedding. How sad I let that by. I wish that we could do it one last time.

I love you!

Always yours

XXOXO 

Hi Vin,

Another miserable day! Still wondering why I  think things are going one way then something completely different happens. I just can't deal with it anymore. I miss you so much. I hope your ok..

Love Me

XOXO

Vin -

I found out a few things about myself today, or I remembered somethings I wanted to forget. I just can't believe that was me. What a horrible person. Everyday gets harder. Why doesn't it just STOP! Why can't I believe you are happy and that you forgive me. I keep hearing it over and over again.. he would want you to go on with your lfe. What kind of Bullshit is that. Sometimes I just want to tell everyone to fuck off. You were the only one who was ever here for me whether it was by my own doing or not and you are the only one that completes who I am. For better or for worse we are one.  The more I try to find friends the more I realize I don't want any. The only exception are the "true friends" I have always had or the ones I think I still have. Maybe I won't scare them away.. if I do then so be it.