Vincent S. Pepe

Hi Vin

Sometimes.. actually all the time I feel like i am still being punished. Do I not suffer without you everyday? Shit just keeps happening with no end in sight. Please tell me what to do.

Sending all my love.

FF
XXOO

.. 15 years.. i love you 

 I miss you I love you. All I can say is I feel like we got robbed. 

Hi Vin,

I know you would be mad but I had to share it with you.

XXOO :)

Love you

I was looking back at memories I sent you and came across this one. It was 8 years ago I wrote it and yes things have gotten easier to deal with but the majority of it still stings me today.. For you my love

To My Love:

I miss you! I love you! I still can’t believe you’re not here.

I miss your touch, your smell, and your voice.

Why did you have to go and leave me here?

 

I hate sleeping in the bed without you. I fold the blanket over your pillows so that I don’t disturb your side.

I know how you hate it when I steal the covers so I make sure not touch yours and to stay on my own side.

 

The garage is still the way you left it, although I have had to use a few of your tools.

 Don’t’ worry I put them back where I found them, probably not as perfect as you.

 

I am trying to take care of the motorcycle and your truck but you know that was always your thing.

I have been searching everywhere but I’m sorry hon, I still can’t find your wedding ring.

 

I wish I had been a better wife, I wish we would have tried to start a family earlier.

 You always think it is not the right time I would do anything to make that choice over.

 

I tried to keep all of my promises. The watch was one day late.

I tried to make everything perfect right until the end, but like you always said, too little, too late.

 

I will love and remember you forever. You are forever and always my best friend.

I want my life to pass by quickly so that when I die and you see me, you wouldn’t have forgotten me by then.

 

We don’t have enough pictures, and now it’s just too late.

All I have is your memory, I think often about the wedding and frequently about our first Montauk date.

 

I still have all the cards and letters you have ever sent me, but the one I read most often is the last.

When I found it I was surprised, how slowly since then the time has passed.

 

You wrote it six days before that horrible day.

Is there something you are trying to tell me did I miss what you were trying to say?

 

Your favorite blue shirt hangs in my closet; you know that one you like to wear.

We used to fight over sweat pants and t-shirts but now it just doesn’t seem fair.

 

Your hat is where you left it I’m sorry I just couldn’t let you have it.

No one is allowed in your room, especially in your closet.

 

Moma cries and looks for you every day – Callie does too.

Both Peg and Fran walk around the house talking to your picture just as I do.    

 

I hate waking up every morning I hope that one day I just don’t.

My life and dreams died with you in our “fucking dream house” so tell me really what is the fucking point?

 

Why didn’t I say I love you more? Why didn’t I make more time?

I never thought that when I said goodnight to you, it would be for the very last time.

 

You were right when you told me I would be sorry when you were gone.

It is true what they say... you really don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.

 

I need for you to give me advice and tell me what to do.

I know we always fought about it but in the end you know I always did what you wanted me to do.

 

It was the first week in May in 2000 that we moved to Florida.

Who would have known that exactly 8 years later I’d be bringing you back to New York to rest right next to your father.

 

You don’t visit me in my dreams I don’t see you in our house.

I am coming to realize that maybe you are still mad at me, and that I truly am all by myself.

 

I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me I know I let you down.

Selfish as always thinking of me first, I just wasn’t around.

 

I will never forget that May night when our life together ended.

I don’t care what they all say I need you here!! They don’t need you in heaven.

 

When I close my eyes at night I hear and see what I saw then.

The emptiness that I saw in your eyes the last breathe I heard when I pushed on your chest.

I hope you are at peace my love – your heart and mind finally at rest. 

 

I love you.

 

Forever and Always Yours

Stacey

XOXO